The translation can be dodgy. Alike my high school students, using google translator can result in an all too literal definition. Schnapsidee: Crackpot idea, usually when inebriated. One can only wonder if that is where the coined term for schnapps rooted from.
The ingredients to my schnapsidee are red wine, some trash tv, a solid cheese tray and usually random bursts of enthusiasm to better myself. Detailed description on how this might look you ask? Goes like this: As most parents do, when the offspring lay their little noodles down for the evening, a vice of choice comes out to play. Every parent needs to decompress, sometimes its an evening cup of coffee, a chapter in your favorite book, or a classic talkie…and for those people I commend you, my vices are not as constructive and refined. But, by definition, vices are intended to be GUILTY pleasures, and this is where I take the lead and show no mercy. For me, when my little chunks rest easy, its a glass of wine–I’m a glass all the way to the top kind of gal– toss up between Jersey Shore or Office reruns– however, the new hit comedy Single Parents has me in stitches– with an assortment of sharp cheddar, colby and maybe throw some pepper jack in there to spice things up. As I usually do, I relax. Mindless movements from plate to gullet, idle focus on the tube and random leaps of faith that I’ll work on something to improve myself starting tomorrow! I usually get high hopes of running in the morning. I’ll pull up my alarm clock app, naively spin that shit to 5:30, and almost feel proud! Needless to say: Schnapsidee.
I was a different person at 8:30pm, I was hopeful Rachel, motivated Rachel. She is a much better person than 5:30am Rachel.
Now, if Rachel in the night were smart, she’d set a taco just out of arms reach with her alarm clock, but 5:30am Rachel will never reveal her secrets.
This illusion of reform is all to familiar to most. It’s something we all want, but have a hard time prioritizing. Because of this, I have become an expert at bargaining. I strike a deal with myself daily. If you walk just 5,000 more steps, I’ll let you use that gift card from taco bell your students gave you–yes my love for tacos is so well known, for Christmas I receive taco bell gift cards from my students; one year I even got socks with tacos on them. This bartering treadmill is vicious. I have yet to truly figure out, how to not let myself “off the hook”. I make and break plans with who I want to be, so I can settle for who I am every. damn. day. And honestly, if I wasn’t so okay with who I am, I may be depressed, but, once again, nothing a taco can’t fix. 🙂
So to the point already: It is easy to refuse accountability when its with yourself. You’d never stand up your bestie from Florida who wants to hike up a hill, or white lie out of a cooking lesson with Wolf-Gang on how to incorporate more kale (gross), or tell Steph Curry maybe tomorrow I’ll shoot some hoops with you. Here is where the indifference inhabits. The lack of drive lives here, the little savage telling you to be “fine” has your ear, the view of this particular landscape resembles a plateau, much easier to maintain status quo on, but a hell of a lot less fun. The adventure is over the edge, the thrills of new lie outside the borders of the cushy, comforting, flat pancake you’ve created for yourself. It takes some movement, one foot in front of the other, a bit of promise and a lot of responsibility (usually in the form of discipline) to get there, but I’ve heard its worth it–okay okay I’m not that self-satisfied, I’ve over come many challenges in my day, but with two kids under two, who wants to put in extra effort when your dreams consist of coffee being inserted intravenously. Okay soap box, put away.
Choosing you is okay, its more than okay. In order to grow, you have to try, fail, redirect, try some more, fail again, you get the point. But along the way, life happens. This is the “best day of my life”, “Once in a lifetime” kind of crazy ass shit. THAT IS LIFE. Life is not the result, happiness is not a result, its the in-between, the mess ups, the late nights, the long days, this is where the beauty we fiercely seek resides. The biggest lie is being told you have to look for purpose, when in fact, just the act of doing anything to push towards experience, is the point. Let the schnapsidee’s run the show! If you think its a good idea, follow through. Maybe not all ideas are good, but most! Don’t let yourself down, and learn to LOVE the follow through. Maybe then, boredom, tired, and old won’t be states of mind anymore, just words to remove from your vocabulary.